| Pages in topic: < [1 2 3 4 5] > | What language do you speak to your partner? Thread poster: RafaLee
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Michael Roberts 
United States
Local time: 07:14
Member (2002)
German to English
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I often refer to our home language as a Hungarian/German/English creole. Although since I'm the American and we're in the US, I've been getting awfully lazy lately. Occasionally we'll have a language purity day and make an attempt to stick to one.
My wife and I had only German in common when we married, so that carried us through many years -- we didn't want to forget German even after we left Germany, of course. But since my daughter prefers English now that she's in school, and... See more I often refer to our home language as a Hungarian/German/English creole. Although since I'm the American and we're in the US, I've been getting awfully lazy lately. Occasionally we'll have a language purity day and make an attempt to stick to one.
My wife and I had only German in common when we married, so that carried us through many years -- we didn't want to forget German even after we left Germany, of course. But since my daughter prefers English now that she's in school, and my wife did her doctorate here and thus is pretty much stuck in English when talking about physics, and since we talk politics a lot and it's difficult to properly polemecize in a foreign language -- well, due to all that, English has been getting too much exposure around here lately.
But still the answer appears to be "all of'em." ▲ Collapse
| | | | Kenza
Local time: 13:14
Swedish to French
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| mostly english | Jul 29, 2004 |
[quote]RafaLee wrote:
Dear all,
Do your partner and you speak your own language to each other ?
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We speak english at home because we met each other in London ; 8 years after we still use english and are "unable" to switch to something else (yet we have learnt each others language!). It feels weird to speak swedish to him, and I think he feels the same way about speaking french to me. But we use all three languages at home (french swedish and english).
| | | | | We try to speak the Bulgarian language | Sep 28, 2004 |
My boyfriend is Romanian, but as we live in Bulgaria, he is trying to speak Bulgarian. He seems to be closer to me when he says something in my language. (Our common language is English)
He's even found one site with romantic phrases, www.easybulgarian.com and I was pleasantly surprised to hear such sweet words from him!!
| | | | | All of them, most of the time... | Oct 4, 2004 |
Our household brings together three languages and three generations.
The cast breaks down like this: my partner's mother tongue is Spanish and he gets by very well in French, but he can onlly understand some English and speaks none; my mother tongue is English, but I also speak English, French, and German; my mother, who shares a duplex with us, speaks English, gets by in French and German; our son, who's almost 3, understands and speaks (in order of fluency) English, French, and S... See more Our household brings together three languages and three generations.
The cast breaks down like this: my partner's mother tongue is Spanish and he gets by very well in French, but he can onlly understand some English and speaks none; my mother tongue is English, but I also speak English, French, and German; my mother, who shares a duplex with us, speaks English, gets by in French and German; our son, who's almost 3, understands and speaks (in order of fluency) English, French, and Spanish.
My partner and I speak Spanish together (we fingured that at least one of us should get to speak their native tongue at home!); I speak English with my mother; he speaks French with my mother; we all speak our native tongues with our son, who tends to respond in whatever language he's hearing.
When my father comes by, German gets thrown into the mix as well. I sometimes think I live in the Tower of Babel, except that we all manage to understand one another... ▲ Collapse
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Jeff Allen
France
Local time: 13:14
Multiplelanguages
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| mother tongue ? | Oct 10, 2004 |
RafaLee wrote:
Do your partner and you speak your own language to each other ?
I believed in the theoretical concept of mother tongue for many years (even in teaching applied linguistics courses on the topic).
English is my "so-called" mother tongue. I spoke it monolingually for 25 or so years at home in my home country (yet I did speak other languages because I was a foreign language major).
Now I have been living outside of an English-speaking environment for about 15 or so years. All of my home vocabulary has been in French during that period. All of my house-renovation vocabulary has been learned in French. Everything is done in French. My wife and I even speak with native English speakers (also living in French) in French. However, my daytime job in the software development field has been primarily written English for many years, spoken English over the phone, and spoken French with colleagues at the French office.
In this case, language choice and use depends on the context, and language erosion of my "mother tongue" has occurred. This was clearly evident when my siblings (English monolinguals) came to visit us, and I couldn't remember a lot of household vocabulary in English, but the French words came out easily. So I ended up translating the French words into English.
Just like someone else mentioned in a posting in this thread, having kids changed the whole scenario. For the past year I have been speaking English to our son, but continue to speak French to my wife. So my English vocabulary is coming back because I have to force myself to remember the words so that he can learn them too.
Sometimes I will now speak to my wife in English when in the presence of our son, just because we want him to get as much exposure to English as possible.
Based on this experience, I have started to make a distinction between the following:
* mother tongue (and father tongue if parents speak different languages)
* school language (if you grew up in a country/ies learning a language different from the one spoken at home; in some cases, I have friends from African countries who master English or French better than the national languages spoken by their parents at home)
* working language (this is the case of many people who master English very, very well because of their professional life, but who have never spoken it at home)
I also believe that there are levels of bilingual. And there are levels of being bicultural. For example, I am not "100% bicultural" because I don't always get some jokes that my French friends say when they make reference to Asterix and Tintin comic books. I didn't grow up with those books. But that will certainly change over the years as I end up learning them by reading them to my kids.
Jeff
Jeff Allen
[Edited at 2004-10-12 12:43]
[Edited at 2004-12-29 13:03]
| | | | | Farsi / French / English | Nov 4, 2004 |
I spoke English to an ex-girlfriend, but arguments were in French (her first language)!
My current girlfriend speaks Farsi to her older relations, French (and more and more English) to me, and French to her son. We speak English to each other when we don't want friends to understand (I think this is a very common occurence, comments please?).
I know it's quite rude to exclude people in this way, but anyways...
I certainly agree with the comments above abou... See more I spoke English to an ex-girlfriend, but arguments were in French (her first language)!
My current girlfriend speaks Farsi to her older relations, French (and more and more English) to me, and French to her son. We speak English to each other when we don't want friends to understand (I think this is a very common occurence, comments please?).
I know it's quite rude to exclude people in this way, but anyways...
I certainly agree with the comments above about language erosion, you need to make an effort in bilingual settings to maintain your first language. Certainly between French and "Anglo-Saxon" culture very few things are utterly untranslatable, but laziness creeps in. ▲ Collapse
| | | | sarasene
Local time: 13:14
English to Italian
| what language do you speak to your partner? | Nov 6, 2004 |
I am Italian and my husband is Congolese, but we live in Belgium (the French-speaking area); when we met we started off speaking in French, and though we have picked up some of each other's language by now (his own is Lingala) we still stick to French!
| | | | Lindsay Sabadosa (X)
United States
Local time: 07:14
Italian to English
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| Italian, Italian, and more Italian | Nov 15, 2004 |
When my boyfriend and I met what seems like forever ago we spoke solely in French - much more romantic, we had both studied it extensively and it was just fun to not be understood by many those first crazy months of a relationship. Besides, it gave us a more international flair: my family is Italian but I grew up in the States speaking both Italian and English; his family is from Piemonte and he grew up speaking dialect and Italian... See more When my boyfriend and I met what seems like forever ago we spoke solely in French - much more romantic, we had both studied it extensively and it was just fun to not be understood by many those first crazy months of a relationship. Besides, it gave us a more international flair: my family is Italian but I grew up in the States speaking both Italian and English; his family is from Piemonte and he grew up speaking dialect and Italian but studying Russian. What a mix! Alas, when we settled down into official "coupledom" Italian became dominant and has remained so although his parents (and grandparents) are still pushing for a complete switch into Piemontese and continually giving me pop quizzes! ▲ Collapse
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Jeff Allen
France
Local time: 13:14
Multiplelanguages
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| language speed and idioms for reducing understanding | Nov 21, 2004 |
Conor McAuley wrote:
My current girlfriend speaks Farsi to her older relations, French (and more and more English) to me, and French to her son. We speak English to each other when we don't want friends to understand (I think this is a very common occurence, comments please?).
I know it's quite rude to exclude people in this way, but anyways...
After teaching English for several years to various groups in France (lycee students, univ students, management in various fields, secretaries, etc), I learned what they didn't know and taught them ways how to understand it.
Now that helps when I want to say something to my wife (here in France) that others won't understand. She and I switch to "fastly spoken" American English with lots of American idioms (which she picked up for 5 years while working in US, and also for the past 3 years while working with Americans in France), when we want to talk in private in the midst of other people around us.
In our context it does not seem to be rude because I always speak to our son in English wherever we are (even among all monolingual French people), so other people know that we do also use English at home.
We use this communication method seldomly. Yet it comes in handy when needed.
| | | | | Romanian lovely words | Apr 5, 2005 |
He's even found one site with romantic phrases, www.easybulgarian.com and I was pleasantly surprised to hear such sweet words from him!!
[/quote]
Hahaha! My boyfriend Dave is from Ontario but he comes regularly to Romania. Last time he surprised me by telling me how much he loves and misses me in Romanian. I was stunned because he's pronounciation was very good. But I found his litt... See more He's even found one site with romantic phrases, www.easybulgarian.com and I was pleasantly surprised to hear such sweet words from him!!
[/quote]
Hahaha! My boyfriend Dave is from Ontario but he comes regularly to Romania. Last time he surprised me by telling me how much he loves and misses me in Romanian. I was stunned because he's pronounciation was very good. But I found his little secret. He learned the stuff on the www.easyromanian.com site. They seem to be doing a good job. I owe them one Hopefully now he got confident enough and will be speaking Romanian fluently.
creatza ▲ Collapse
| | | | Nick Somers (X)
Local time: 13:14
German to English
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| Each to his own | Apr 8, 2005 |
We both speak our native languages: I speak English, my wife replies in French, the kids speak whatever language they're addressed in (+ German when the need arises). We've been doing it so long we hardly notice which language is being spoken and only realise when outsiders point it out.
We speak the other person's language (and German) when we have to - when we are in a monolingual environment, for example.
The kids are truly trilingual. You could say that we parents a... See more We both speak our native languages: I speak English, my wife replies in French, the kids speak whatever language they're addressed in (+ German when the need arises). We've been doing it so long we hardly notice which language is being spoken and only realise when outsiders point it out.
We speak the other person's language (and German) when we have to - when we are in a monolingual environment, for example.
The kids are truly trilingual. You could say that we parents are monolingual when talking but by now are bilingual when listening: what goes out when we don't speak our own language sometimes goes through a translation filter (and we make mistakes) but what comes in is unfiltered.
It seems the obvious way to us ... ▲ Collapse
| | | | Ruta Peter
Germany
Local time: 13:14
Member (2004)
German to Lithuanian
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| German-Lithuanian | Apr 11, 2005 |
Hello,
my wife Ruta (who´s the translator and has the account in ProZ) is an Lithuanian, I´m a German. She speaks German perfectly, because she learned this language in school since an age of 6 years and we live in Germany, so we commonly speak German. When I met her father first time I talk to him Russian, which I learned before in school (but long ago and I didn´t use it very much). After some minutes he answered "Let´s speak English". This was about 18 years ago, than I began to l... See more Hello,
my wife Ruta (who´s the translator and has the account in ProZ) is an Lithuanian, I´m a German. She speaks German perfectly, because she learned this language in school since an age of 6 years and we live in Germany, so we commonly speak German. When I met her father first time I talk to him Russian, which I learned before in school (but long ago and I didn´t use it very much). After some minutes he answered "Let´s speak English". This was about 18 years ago, than I began to learn Lithuanian. I don´t speak Lithgaunian enogh to work as a professional translator, but I cvan communicate with Lithuanian relations and friends.
My wife speaks Lithuanian with our children, they speak better than I, I speak Germnan with them. Living in Germany German became their main language. They are 13/14 years old, there was some time, when they didn´t want to speak Lithuanian, but they also love their grandparents and have to speak Lithaunian, if they are together with them.
Joachim ▲ Collapse
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dkalinic
Local time: 13:14
Croatian to German
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In memoriam
I met my Polish girlfried a couple of years ago. We speak English since then because this is the only language we both are fluent in. I'm trying to learn a bit of Polish, though.
Regards,
Davor
| | | | | To each other? English! | Sep 15, 2006 |
Me being Romanian, him being American (serenely monolingual) and us living in the US...guess what language do we speak to each other?
However, we use the OPOL approach with our 1 year old son.
| | | | HeatherV
Local time: 04:14
French to English
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| Which language? All depends | Sep 29, 2006 |
We're a Franco American couple and I don't think there's a gender thing with our usage but a location thing.
I'm American and have spoken French with my husband for 28 years, but also speak English. He spoke English perfectly well when I met him in America at first, but, has done advanced studies, taught it, and really is hard to pick out as a native French speaker at all. This tends to be rare amongst French speakers.
We also have Italian as our third language beca... See more We're a Franco American couple and I don't think there's a gender thing with our usage but a location thing.
I'm American and have spoken French with my husband for 28 years, but also speak English. He spoke English perfectly well when I met him in America at first, but, has done advanced studies, taught it, and really is hard to pick out as a native French speaker at all. This tends to be rare amongst French speakers.
We also have Italian as our third language because his family is of Italian origin, and he grew up in a family that spoke a dialect with the grandparents as well as going for long stays with family in Italy. This dialect has sounds that you don't hear in standard Italian and I often think that's why he adapted so well to English, Russian, Italian and German in school. He probably had the necessary phonemes at hand.
I never studied a language as a kid, had some Spanish influences around me in California, and then began studying French 'late' in life, but with music, have become a fluke apparently....an American with a slight Southern accent.
Here's what happens with us though...when we live in the States, we try to use more French, especially for the kids' sake. When we live in France (twelve years and two stays) we speak more English at home.
However, it is not easy to break this down, because you say some things easily in French and others in English.
In America, French can be your secret language...as the chances are very low of you running into French people in the supermarket when you want to crack a joke or something...though it's happened to us in Memphis Tennessee and Indiana.
In France however where we spent eight years until two years ago, using English, even rapidly and with American slang that few expats would get because they aren't used to hearing it, it's still risky business using English as your secret language.
As we have both taught each other's languages professionally, and I translate, it makes things a bit more complicated.
When I began using French with him, I would never have thought that at twenty-one, I'd have a chance of becoming fluent and using the language each day...and then, after about three years I was reasonably fluent.
There are a few problems inherent in learning from your partner with the pillow method however, you do not know how to switch gears as easily as you do in your own language.
I mean the gap between spoken and written French and spoken French amongst friends and in a work situation is so wide that, well, I think it is much harder to achieve fluency in French because of this problem than in English.
I was fortunate to have been able to learn French more like a native speaker, but then, to solidify my French by working and living there. I also read anything and everything and this has helped me become more fluent.
I've just spotted an argument thread, so I think that would be fun to see what others do.
Oh, we also speak Italian when we're in Italy, and our first child has gone on to study Italian in college as she'd studied it in Europe and moved in an international environment with many Italians.
Our second child is basically the one who uses the language of the country in which he is living, and begrudgingly uses his French when he has to. We also noticed while living near the Italian border, that in restaurants etc, he would order in perfect Italian...as if he'd spoken it all the time...
But he plays his cards close to his chest...
Now my husband tries to insist on us speaking French at the table and the boy being a teenager...refuses to talk at all! ▲ Collapse
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